So as is probably evident from previous blog posts, the pace of life I'm living here is pretty different than at RIT. I get up, I have coffee, I hang about, and I don't worry about stuff. At RIT, I'm always worried about deadlines, being on time, getting stuff done, etc etc and I didn't realize how unpleasant it is to live like that until I came here. It helps that here I'm taking only 12 credits and not working, but I like not having cortisol levels that are through the roof.
I don't want to go back to that life, I don't think.
I've known for a little while that although I enjoy computer science, I have no particular aptitude for it, and my perception is that I have to work harder for the same grades than many of my friends do. Does it get any easier? Will I have a magic moment where all of the sudden, something clicks, and I stop feeling stupid all the time? I should probably change my major, but I can't think of anything else I can do that I can pass off as a career. Perhaps computational math. But I'm really stubborn, and I picked CS and I want to stick with it, just to prove I can. Which is a stupid reason to stay in a major that is too much work.
Linguistics? I like learning languages, and I like understanding people, and language is so closely related to that, so it seems like maybe something I could get into. But I have heavily invested 2 years of my life and thousands of dollars in something totally different. I don't want to consider losing that investment, even as an option.
Axel has asked me several times is the reason I'm behind in class is because I party too hard, but I really just don't get the stuff he's teaching. I could spend all my time studying, but I don't want a career where so much constant effort is necessary. I like learning, but it shouldn't be something I feel frantic about all the time.
I don't know what to do. :(
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